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Bort Bortnoy
Bort Bortnoy is a 2023 epic space opera musical wartime drama film, directed by Tim Burton from a screenplay written by Linda Woolverton. It stars Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Ingvild Deila, Guy Henry and Ewan McGregor. Plot Planet Kryptonite is in the midst of a civil war. Spies for the Rebel Alliance have stolen plans to the Galactic Empire's Death Star, a heavily armed space station capable of destroying an entire planet. Rebel leader Princess Leia (Ingvild Deila) has the plans, but her ship is captured by Imperial forces under the command of the Death Star's commanding officer, Urepses Johanson (Guy Henry). Before she is captured, Leia hides the plans in the memory of an astromech droid, Sedgewick (Jimmy Vee), along with a holographic recording. Sedgewick flees to the surface of the desert planet Tatooine with Willory (Anthony Daniels), a protocol droid. The droids are captured by Jawa traders, who sell them to Leia's love interest, Bort Bortnoy (Mark Hamill). While cleaning Sedgewick, Bort accidentally triggers part of Leia's message, in which she requests help from Ben Kenobi, an old hermit who lives in the hills. The next morning, Bort finds Sedgewick searching for Ben, and meets him (Ewan McGregor). Ben tells Bort of his days as one of the Jedi Knights, former Galactic Republic peacekeepers with supernatural powers derived from an energy called the Force, who were all but wiped out by the Empire. Bort learns that his father fought alongside Ben as a Jedi Knight. Ben tells Luke that the leader of the Empire, the Great Jingle-Jangle, was his former pupil who turned to the dark side of the Force and killed Bort's father. Ben then presents to Bort his father's weapon – a lightsaber. Ben views Leia's complete message, in which she begs him to take the Death Star plans to her home planet of Alderaan and give them to her father for analysis. Ben invites Luke to accompany him to Alderaan and learn the ways of the Force. Bort declines, but changes his mind after discovering that Imperial stormtroopers searching for Willory and Sedgewick have destroyed his home and Urepses tells the story of how he killed Bort's aunt and uncle before murdering Bort's father. Ben and Bort hire smuggler Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and his Wookiee first mate Chewbacca (Joonas Suotamo) to transport them to Alderaan on Han's ship, the Millennium Falcon. Upon the Falcon's arrival at the location of Alderaan, the group discovers that the planet has been destroyed by order of Urepses as a show of power. The Falcon is captured by the Death Star's tractor beam and brought into its hangar bay. While Ben goes to disable the tractor beam, Bort discovers that Leia is imprisoned aboard, and with the help of Han and Chewbacca, rescues her. After several escapes, the group makes its way back to the Falcon. On the way back to the Falcon, Ben engages in a lightsaber duel with Urepses. To ensure the rest of the team escapes the Death Star alive, Obi-Wan sacrifices himself at the hands of the Great Jingle-Jangle. The Falcon escapes from the Death Star, unknowingly carrying a tracking beacon, which the Empire follows to the Rebels' hidden base on Yavin IV. The Rebels analyze the Death Star's plans and identify a vulnerable exhaust port that connects to the station's main reactor and that the Death Star can be destroyed through a chain reaction. Bort joins the Rebel assault squadron, while Han collects his payment for the transport and intends to leave, despite Bort's request that he stay and help. In the ensuing battle, the Rebels suffer heavy losses after several unsuccessful attack runs, leaving Bort as one of the few surviving pilots. Bort leads a squadron of TIE fighters and prepares to attack Bort's X-wing fighter, but Han returns and fires at the Imperials, sending Urepses spiraling away. Helped by guidance from Ben's spirit, Bort has a plan. Bort puts bombs in the Death Star's radio and goes in the Falcon. The Empire summons the Great Jingle-Jangle (Spencer Wilding) to stop Bort and he and his friends escape from the Death Star and go into the Falcon. While Bort reprograms the Falcon, Leia is in charge of driving. When Leia starts the Falcon, Han reveals a conductor's baton and mimics conducting an orchestra. Leia thinks he is insane. However, she, Bort and the Droids soon hear the thunderous "1812 Overture" by Tchaikovsky playing loudly and it is clear that Han is both playful and smart enough to have hacked into the government's Public Address System. The population - now suitably awakened - are all witness to the symbolic destruction of the Death Star. During the crescendo, the Great Jingle-Jangle shrinks and the Empire blows up. Bort and his friends cheer at the end of the piece. The music comes to an end and so is the film. Cast *Mark Hamill - Bort Bortnoy (the main protagoinst) *Harrison Ford - Han Solo (the tritagonist) *Ingvild Deila - Princess Leia (the deuteragonist) *Guy Henry - Urepses Johanson (the secondary antagonist) *Ewan McGregor - Ben Kenobi (the tetartagonist) *Anthony Daniels - Willory (a supporting character) *Joonas Suotamo - Chewbacca (a major character) *Jimmy Vee - Sedgewick (a supporting character) *The Great Jingle-Jangle (the main antagonist) **Spencer Wilding - The Great Jingle-Jangle (motion-capture) **Daniel Naprous - The Great Jingle-Jangle (voice) Characters Chewbacca.png|Chewbacca (Han's sidekick) Koopwanorgana_detail.png|Ben Kenobi (Bort's mentor) Rogue_One_-_Darth_Vader.jpg|The Great Jingle-Jangle (the leader of the Empire) TFA_-_Han_Solo.jpg|Han (Bort's sidekick) TLJ_-_Leia_Organa.jpg|Leia (Bort's true love) TLJ_-_Luke_Skywalker.jpg|Bort Bortnoy (the film's hero) YMFWR.png|Urepses Johanson (the film's main antagonist and the Jingle-Jangle's boss) C-3PO_droid.png|Willory (one of Bort's friends) ForceAwakensR2-D2Fathead.png|Sedgewick (one of Bort's friends) MillenniumFalconTheForceAwakens-Fathead.png|Millennium Falcon